What is this?

I am drowning. My lungs are burning from the lack of oxygen. I try to kick towards the surface, but my legs are tied. This is new. It is always the anxiety, but I'm not sure what this is all about. I can feel the fear as it grabs my ankles and drags me further below the surface. Where is the trigger? I've never been very good at really identifying them; my situations are always different. I scream. The last of my breath floats up toward the surface. My hands, following the bubbles, try fruitlessly to hold on to them.

My stomach is in knots, my chest rapidly caving in upon me. I cannot rationalize this fear, this anxiety. The more I try to talk it out, the more confused I become. What am I afraid of? Why are my hands trembling and why is my head spinning? I can't think straight anymore unless I focus on a goal. Even then I must take small steps towards it.

On the verge of tears, I speak. But what I say offers no clues. I want to sob, to cry uncontrollably. But I hold back the tears and speak softly. I am trembling. Is it the chill in the air or am I terrified of what I am saying? What am I saying? I can't remember.

I can still feel the pain. It is in my core and it's making me nauseous. My brain won't shut off, won't kick the image out. Oh, God! the pain! I tell myself not to think about it, but I don't really listen very well. Have I once again entered in to the world of remembering? Shall I remain in this place for a while, even though it is so painful? How do I rid myself of these bonds and push myself to the surface?